In this world of Free Trade, Discounts and Mega Sales...have we become Emotional Misers?
Just the other day, we , my friend Gullu and I, were discussing the break-up of a couple we knew were together for quite some time. The woman got an opportunity that ensured a fantastic career growth, and moved abroad. The man , a social worker, who runs a charitable trust, chose to stay back.
“ There was nothing indecent about the split. We realised our priorities and simply moved away. “ The man had told me.
That was a happy , mature statement to make. It would have put me at peace had I not seen how visibly disturbed he was. He must have sensed my discomfort as he wryly added “ There are certain things which simply won’t happen.”
True. No disputing that.
A couple of months later, Gullu had received a call from split other-half of this man, the lady, who spoke to her for over a couple of hours. She did not mention him. Instead, she cribbed about the horrible country she was in ( although her apartment was super-posh) and that her team-leader was an a*****e and that it was really cold and how one evening when she absent-mindedly splashed water on her face , the left hand side got frozen and stiff ,and she had to visit a doctor to “thaw” it back to normal!
“ Are you planning to come back?” Gullu had asked her, not capable of taking her pan-Atlantic whining anymore.
“ I can’t. “ she had said. “ A lot of everything is at stake. It’s a fabulous opportunity for me. And the money part of it too. There are certain things which you simply can’t overlook.”
Period! No, disputing that too.
In this “SIMPLY CAN'T/ SIMPLY WON'T” dilemma ,there is only one thing that makes me uncomfortable. The UN-HAPPINESS element of it. It seems to be an uneasy and a difficult choice. Career gives you a lifestyle of your choice and wish, your old age health insurance, an enviable car, a posh apartment.
Relationships give you the manpower and human resources and purpose to return to that apartment. As the shopping mall culture and terribly lopsided economic affluence proliferate and the urban interiors tend to get more and more organised and tidy and picture perfect, the human interiors seem to get chaotic and warped, unable to choose, unable to decide.
NOT FOR EVERYBODY. But for many. I suppose.
Everything is physics, they taught us in schools. And more than that Economics. And Psychology. As the Mammon factor goes up, it exerts its equal and opposite reaction on the Emotional and Relationship quotient. But not quite the reverse.
One of my wise aunts humourously observed the other day ...for most of the divorces and splits, these shopping malls and corporates are to be blamed. They make people want more ,crave for the redundant and the excess . The mega discounts and the bumper sales feed their never-to-be-satisfied craving to hoard more and more...even when there is no need of it.The tight deadlines and the ever-demanding circuit of appraisals and performance boosters tend to keep them preoccupied and re-occupied time and again.
I don’t agree with her completely. However, when I look around myself I feel that she might be a wee bit correct. After all, emotional generosity is inversely proportional to material craving. As the saying goes, when our hearts are empty, we collect things. Perhaps my friend abroad and her former boyfriend would eventually move on, perhaps at one point in time they would stop missing each other and stop complaining.Or stop acting mature, Perhaps the next time they go for a relationship they will be more cautious in dealing with their emotions .They may simply do away with shaggy, loose-ended feelings altogether. Perhaps that’s gonna be our strategy of survival. For getting the impetus to live and love. Certified Emotional Misers, we will know how to strike a perfect balance between the holes in our hearts and holes in our pockets.If we do not know it , already.
Just the other day, we , my friend Gullu and I, were discussing the break-up of a couple we knew were together for quite some time. The woman got an opportunity that ensured a fantastic career growth, and moved abroad. The man , a social worker, who runs a charitable trust, chose to stay back.
“ There was nothing indecent about the split. We realised our priorities and simply moved away. “ The man had told me.
That was a happy , mature statement to make. It would have put me at peace had I not seen how visibly disturbed he was. He must have sensed my discomfort as he wryly added “ There are certain things which simply won’t happen.”
True. No disputing that.
A couple of months later, Gullu had received a call from split other-half of this man, the lady, who spoke to her for over a couple of hours. She did not mention him. Instead, she cribbed about the horrible country she was in ( although her apartment was super-posh) and that her team-leader was an a*****e and that it was really cold and how one evening when she absent-mindedly splashed water on her face , the left hand side got frozen and stiff ,and she had to visit a doctor to “thaw” it back to normal!
“ Are you planning to come back?” Gullu had asked her, not capable of taking her pan-Atlantic whining anymore.
“ I can’t. “ she had said. “ A lot of everything is at stake. It’s a fabulous opportunity for me. And the money part of it too. There are certain things which you simply can’t overlook.”
Period! No, disputing that too.
In this “SIMPLY CAN'T/ SIMPLY WON'T” dilemma ,there is only one thing that makes me uncomfortable. The UN-HAPPINESS element of it. It seems to be an uneasy and a difficult choice. Career gives you a lifestyle of your choice and wish, your old age health insurance, an enviable car, a posh apartment.
Relationships give you the manpower and human resources and purpose to return to that apartment. As the shopping mall culture and terribly lopsided economic affluence proliferate and the urban interiors tend to get more and more organised and tidy and picture perfect, the human interiors seem to get chaotic and warped, unable to choose, unable to decide.
NOT FOR EVERYBODY. But for many. I suppose.
Everything is physics, they taught us in schools. And more than that Economics. And Psychology. As the Mammon factor goes up, it exerts its equal and opposite reaction on the Emotional and Relationship quotient. But not quite the reverse.
One of my wise aunts humourously observed the other day ...for most of the divorces and splits, these shopping malls and corporates are to be blamed. They make people want more ,crave for the redundant and the excess . The mega discounts and the bumper sales feed their never-to-be-satisfied craving to hoard more and more...even when there is no need of it.The tight deadlines and the ever-demanding circuit of appraisals and performance boosters tend to keep them preoccupied and re-occupied time and again.
I don’t agree with her completely. However, when I look around myself I feel that she might be a wee bit correct. After all, emotional generosity is inversely proportional to material craving. As the saying goes, when our hearts are empty, we collect things. Perhaps my friend abroad and her former boyfriend would eventually move on, perhaps at one point in time they would stop missing each other and stop complaining.Or stop acting mature, Perhaps the next time they go for a relationship they will be more cautious in dealing with their emotions .They may simply do away with shaggy, loose-ended feelings altogether. Perhaps that’s gonna be our strategy of survival. For getting the impetus to live and love. Certified Emotional Misers, we will know how to strike a perfect balance between the holes in our hearts and holes in our pockets.If we do not know it , already.
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